Scenario
You're a well-liked member of your church community, known for always saying "yes" to help with various activities and events. Recently, you've been asked to lead a new outreach program that you don't feel passionate about or qualified for. However, you know that refusing might disappoint people and potentially damage your reputation as a helpful and committed church member. This is what you do:
a. You reluctantly agree to lead the program, even though you know your heart isn't in it.
b. You make up an excuse about being too busy, avoiding the real reason you don't want to do it.
c. You honestly express your reservations about leading the program, risking disappointment from others.
d. You agree to help with the program in a limited capacity that aligns with your skills and availability.
Notes
People-pleasing can be a subtle trap for many Christians. While serving others and being helpful are admirable traits, constantly prioritizing others' approval over our own well-being and God's calling can lead to burnout, resentment, and a lack of authenticity in our faith walk.
Jesus himself faced situations where he had to prioritize God's will over people's expectations. In Mark 1:35-38, we see Jesus withdrawing from the crowds to pray, and then choosing to move on to other towns rather than staying where he was popular and in demand.
The apostle Paul addresses this issue in Galatians 1:10, saying, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." This verse reminds us that our ultimate allegiance should be to God, not to human approval.
It's important to remember that saying "no" can sometimes be the most loving and authentic response. Proverbs 29:25 warns, "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." Trusting in God's approval over human approval can lead to greater freedom and effectiveness in our service.
Answer
Option (c) represents the most honest and authentic response to the situation. By expressing your reservations openly, you maintain integrity and create an opportunity for open dialogue about your gifts and calling within the church community.
Option (d) could be a good compromise if you feel you can contribute meaningfully in a limited capacity, but it's important to be clear about your limitations and not overcommit.
Options (a) and (b) both involve a degree of inauthenticity that can lead to burnout, resentment, or damaged relationships in the long run.
Application
- Seek God's guidance: Before making commitments, pray for wisdom and discernment about where God is calling you to serve.
- Know your limits: Be aware of your personal boundaries, skills, and capacity. It's okay to say no to things that don't align with these.
- Practice honest communication: Learn to express your thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully, even when it might disappoint others.
- Focus on pleasing God: Remember that your ultimate goal is to please God, not people. Let this guide your decisions and actions.
- Cultivate self-awareness: Regularly reflect on your motivations for saying yes or no to requests. Are you driven by a desire for approval or by a genuine calling?
- Embrace your unique gifts: Recognize that you can't be everything to everyone. Focus on using your God-given talents effectively.
Conclusion
The mask of people-pleasing can be a challenging one to remove, but doing so is crucial for authentic Christian living. By learning to balance serving others with honoring our own boundaries and God's calling, we can develop healthier relationships and more effective ministry. Remember, our worth is not determined by how much we do or how well-liked we are, but by our identity as beloved children of God. As we grow in this understanding, we can serve from a place of freedom and joy rather than obligation or fear of disapproval.